Thursday, September 06, 2007

Losing your kids in the tall green grass

"Those who believe that the grass is greener on the other side forget that it is in the green grass that snakes lie." -me

You may wonder what an affair has to do with gangs or threats. More than you think.

Whether you use the internet to cheat on your spouse or you do it in real time there is something you should consider first. Be honorable. There is no forgetting your vows, you simply disregard them for some foolish idea that there must be something better out there for you.

Yet you don’t even try and fix what you already have.

Unless your spouse is abusing you in some form it can generally be fixed. But we want the easy way out. Or what we think is the easy way. Nothing is easy, nothing worth having anyway. If the guy or girl you are talking to, makes everything look easy, everything just seems to fit perfectly, you can bet it is not.

Why would you want to put your trust in someone that wants you to lie to your spouse. To put your trust into some relationship he / she is trying to build out of a lie. I know someone that left her husband for another man. That other man knew she was married yet engaged her anyway. Her husband was a good man, honest, hardworking, caring, and would give her whatever she wanted. Evidently what she wanted was what she thought was greener grass.

She got a snake.

Now her marriage is a living hell. And to say that she regrets it is an understatement. But there is no turning back. In her new marriage they both distrust each other and constantly accuse each other of cheating. Hmmm, I wonder where that comes from. They’ve already screwed up their kids with the constant battle royal they have almost daily.

Their kids who are going to grow up thinking that this is what marriage should be about. Their kids who are probably going to grow up so pissed off at the world that they turn their backs on it. Their kids who are more likely to associate with negative peers, abuse drugs and alcohol, or likely act out sexually with shallow relationships, (because obviously commitment is a joke to them)...

Certainly was to their mother.

The ironic thing is that she left her husband who never accused her, never yelled at her, never mistreated her, or belittled her and then got exactly that from her new relationship. She left her kids feeling alone and afraid. She didn’t love “daddy” enough to work on their relationship. So in their minds they ask will she do this to them too? That’s what the kids are thinking anyway.

Kids like these grow up angry most of the time. They grow up afraid. Afraid that everything that matters to them, will leave them. And afraid equals angry and angry sometimes ends up equaling violence. Their sense of security and home was stolen with a kiss. But their mother didn’t think about them, only herself. All she could think about was how the grass must be greener on the other side. She forgot about the snakes waiting for her.

And her kids are the ones getting bitten.