Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Drowning in Virtual Betrayal One Click at a Time

One-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs
-"This Is An Internet E-Mergency", The Fortino Group


Pain is a part of life. But so is death. Neither of them pleasant of course but for some pain feels like death. For some pain is so intense that it craves to be quenched by the blackness of death. No one should have to live like that.

Betrayal, the murder of the spirit is all too common. Some people say that basically all people are good people. But they have not met everyone.

Some people live for drama. They hate themselves and don’t want to think about it. So they want others to suffer too, especially if others seem to be doing better than they are. Misery loves company. And the company we keep, if miserable, will drown us along with them.

Sometimes we are so bored that we will do anything for entertainment. Even if that anything means hurting someone else.

We find love. And then we kill it. Like animals seeking out prey, sometimes people pretend to be harmless flowers, but they are dangerous nightshade. Sometimes we hurt the ones that love us for a reason we don’t even know. You can get over the hurt but you cannot get over that time stolen.

They walk among us. People hurting so bad drowning from inside out. Surrounded by the dry land of people but soaked to the bone in misery’s murky grasp. Being pushed under the water by hands that are supposed to rescue them. By hands that are supposed to love them. Hands attached to a body, with murder in its heart.

We think we aren’t getting enough “attention” from our spouse. So we go out into the “safe” world of the internet to feel better. Like the narcissists we are. Craving stimulation so much that we abandon our wedding vows. Our little thrills kill our families and ruin life for our little ones.

The same way an alcoholic becomes an addict. One sip at a time. Then he wakes up one day face down in a gutter. But here it is logging on for some safe internet thrills. Then pictures are exchanged. Then phone numbers are exchanged. Then meetings are arranged. Just for dinner though. Then lives are exchanged for some fool who does not care about the family he or she is destroying. Only about what is in your pants. All that, one click at a time.

When we are caught we cry and grieve. We ask for forgiveness. But we have put in more time trying to drown our relationships than we do trying to save it. We don’t want to work at anything except pleasing ourselves. When we wrong someone else, we want to blame God, blame the person who lead us astray, even blame the spouse who must not have paid enough attention to us. We say that the spouse did not have an emotional connection to us. But we sought out someone in virtual land who only wants to connect with our lusts. We lie to ourselves.

It is cheaper to get a divorce than it is to get marriage counseling. We spend hours on chat rooms and minutes on our families. Hundreds of dollars on internet providers.
We are not addicted to the internet. We are addicted to our selfishness. And lust for justification to wreck our marriages.

While our spouses reach up from the waters of pain and betrayal we reach down and push their heads under.

Even then, it is about us. It is about how we “feel” so guilty. It is about how we didn’t realize what pain it would cause. We just didn’t “think.” Oh we did think alright. But only about ourselves.

We are murderers. But the bodies we leave behind are still breathing. And that is worse than death. We don’t have to guts to finish the job.

We get married and when things go wrong blame it on doing it too young. Or doing it because everyone else did. How convenient. We blame it on God “not blessing our marriage”. That it must have not been His will. People who fly airplanes into buildings do the same thing. We have free will. But that does not mean you should take the freedom of your life and take someone else’s freedom away.

Our kids kill each other. Our kids join gangs. Our kids are too often the product of selfish marriages and weak people too self absorbed to keep loving someone else, besides themselves. So yeah, we drown our kids too. Remember that the next time you log on.

We want our spouses to be gentle like sheep. Yet we run with friends who are nothing more than a pack of wolves. We spend time with friends who have hell for marriages. And instead of brining them up, we climb into the pit with them.

We log on. Then we log off of life.

Cheating is cheating. If you wouldn’t do it in front of your spouse, you shouldn’t do it at all. You can drown in an ocean but you can also drown in the bathtub. Betrayal doesn’t have to take place in some seedy motel. It can take place in your living room in front of the monitor.

We think it is harmless. But why do it in secret?

What is left after a little harmless fun? A harmful broken life. A shattered family with pain that cannot be measured in Megabytes. We leave behind victims who must find some way to go on with life. Victims that believe their spouses saw more in a virtual sex act than in them. That is worse than catching someone cheating in real life. To catch a spouse cheating with an electronic image booster.

Betrayal in real time or in virtual time kills. The victims are left to go on with life pretending that they are fine. Too embarrassed to say they lost a loved one to a chat room. Pretending that life is fine. Wanting to stop hurting. Drowning in the blinding glow of a lap top. We want someone to care for us more than the need for attention. A need that isn’t based in reality any more than the affair. A need that is based in selfish foolishness.

Victims that are dying to live. And living to die. And that is the deep, dark, murky, virtual reality of it all. Betrayal is betrayal. It doesn’t matter if it comes to our door or to our inbox. Destroying a family for attention gets us attention alright. Kids who will one day find out that mom or dad took their security, love, and life away for a cheap thrill.

One click at a time.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Nothing is as violent as love

"Man's destructive hand spares nothing that lives; he kills to feed himself, he kills to clothe himself, he kills to adorn himself, he kills to attack, he kills to defend himself, he kills to instruct himself, he kills to amuse himself, he kills for the sake of killing." ~Josef de Maistre

The same area of the brain where the emotion of passion originates is also the same region where the drive for revenge is located. Love and violence share the same part of the brain. This area is called the limbic region.

When we look at the “insides” of a gang we begin to see many things. We see what some call a brotherhood. What some call love. But yet gangs can be very violent. Even getting into most gangs involves acts of violence. Often this violence is perpetrated on the one being initiated into the gang. The one who craves love and belonging so much he is willing to be beaten for it. And even die for it. This love…

Or what he thinks love is.

This limbic region of the brain where rage and love exist and fight each other for control is epitomized in gang and other deviant group psychology. When a rival kills a gang member the entire group craves revenge. This part of them that felt a sense of love for their fallen member gives way to the competing force of nature, vengeance.

It is left over from our tribal days. In pre-historic times where groups of people had to depend on each other for survival and fought any who would threaten the existence of the group. What may seem selfless can also be seen as selfish. Without the group, the individual will die.

The search for love drives us to do many things. It drives some to sacrifice themselves for others. It drives others to kill.

But it is often our own confusion, not our brain’s. We confuse love and rage. Passion and vengeance. What we think is love may truly be born of fear. Does the brain drive our actions? Or do we drive the brain? Probably the latter.

We become obsessed with wanting attention, to be desired, to have belonging. People starve themselves to look like models. People drink when they don’t really want to because their “friends” are doing it. People get online and forsake their marriage vows for the attention of some virtual pig that does not care if he destroys a family. Rather than fix their marriages people lay down with someone who considers them a notch on their belt because it makes them “feel” wanted. Betrayal of love all too easily activates its dormant neighbor in the brain, vengeance.

Most people who go into their workplace and kill people, recently suffered a separation from a wife or girlfriend. It doesn’t justify it. But it is an example of how one can bleed into the other.

Passion can kill. What begins as love, if betrayed, can transform itself into utter darkness. The arms that once embraced, are used to strangle. The hands that once held another’s pick up a gun. When love dies, it is resurrected into something else.

Commitment to another whether that “another” is good or bad can drive us to extremes. It is important that who we choose to love does not embrace violence and betrayal.

Because nothing is more violent than love.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Starving for Attention

Over 500,000 children in the U.S. currently reside in some form of foster care.

Being removed from their home and placed in foster care is a difficult and stressful experience for any child. Many of these children have suffered some form of serious abuse or neglect. About 30% of children in foster care have severe emotional, behavioral, or developmental problems. Physical health problems are also common. Most children, however, show remarkable resiliency and determination to go on with their lives. Children in foster care often struggle with the following issues:

blaming themselves and feeling guilty about removal from their birth parents
wishing to return to birth parents even if they were abused by them
feeling unwanted if awaiting adoption for a long time
feeling helpless about multiple changes in foster parents over time
having mixed emotions about attaching to foster parents
feeling insecure and uncertain about their future
reluctantly acknowledging positive feelings for foster parents

The estimated number of children waiting to be adopted declined between FY 2000 and FY 2004 from 132,000 to 118,000. The estimated number of children whose parents have had their rights terminated remained relatively constant between FY 2000 and FY 2004 at between 72,000 and 65,000. The estimated number of children adopted annually from FY 2000 FY 2004 remained relatively constant at approximately 50,000.

Look at the stats. Less than half of all the kids waiting for adoption in this country are actually adopted. We have an epidemic of people abandoning their kids, abusing their kids, and even selling their kids to molesting animals.

Yet like some sort of ridiculous fad we have multi-million dollar Hollywood stars traveling all the way to Africa to pick a kid out of a line up for adoption.

“How much is that doggy in the window?”

Now I feel for the kids over there. It is a terrible tragedy the mess that Africa is in. One in which the world should be doing more about. But here in America we aren’t doing much for our kids so what does that tell the world about us? We throw the kids here little bread crumbs of “care”. With nifty little titles like, “No child left behind.” or “The childhood obesity epidemic.” We throw them enough bread crumbs to make us feel better. They are surrounded by a land of plenty but are starving because of apathy.

We don’t take care of those in our backyards yet for a photo shoot our millionaire stars are going shopping in the flea market of kids outside our borders. That tells the kids waiting here for someone to love them that they are worthless. Though nothing could be farther from the truth, it is hard to convince them otherwise with nitwits like Madonna. I guess saving the dark continent is in “Vogue”.

When one’s career is faltering there is no better way to get some press these days than to look like you care. Movie stars starve for fame. They starve to be the center of attention.

We don’t care. We don’t care about our kids. Then like a bunch of drooling morons we gab on TV about not knowing why a kid goes into a school on a shooting spree. We can’t figure out the appeal of gangs. Blame violent video games, TV, and everything else but the one thing we don’t want to talk about. Our pathetic selfish, self centered, narcissistic society that abandons its own for the sake of a spot on 20/20 or Hard Copy.

Yesterday it was wearing AIDS pins, now its adopting kids from another country while our kids here are dying. Before all that it was saving the whales or the vultures in California. Tomorrow it might be saving the starving Pygmies in New Guinea. All the while our greed for attention and control starves us from caring.

You can try and take the guns out of the hands of our violent children. But you will never take the violence out of the hearts of our kids. Anger gives birth to violence. Fear gives birth to anger. You can make little speeches about how sad we are for not caring about Africa’s starving children but your words are hollow and hypocritical.

When you let our kids here starve to death from no love.

For more information on how you can feed the love starved, please visit:


Thursday, October 12, 2006

Satan Hides

“Politics and Evil, All one in the same. Satan hides behind a different name.”
- David Draiman

Foley: I was a teenage victim
Says abuse by clergyman not to blame for explicit e-mails to pages

October 4, 2006
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. -- Disgraced former Rep. Mark Foley said through his lawyer Tuesday that he was sexually abused by a clergyman as a teenager, but accepts responsibility for sending salacious computer messages to teen male pages.
Attorney David Roth said Foley was molested between ages 13 and 15. He declined to identify the clergyman or the church, but Foley is Roman Catholic.

“Look at poor me. I was a victim.” A victim of a conveniently anonymous predator. Translation: Feel sorry for me. It isn’t my responsibility.

He also acknowledged for the first time that the former congressman is gay, saying the disclosure was part of his client's ''recovery.''

''Mark Foley wants you to know he is a gay man,'' Roth said.

Oh that’s rich. “Feel sorry for me, as I am a member of a group that suffers prejudice.” Translation: I am so oppressed and stressed from having to hide my true identity from society that it drove me to want sex with teenage boys. Satan hides behind a victim’s mask.

What the hell does being gay have to do with soliciting a minor for sex? That is an insult to gay people. Just like checking into rehab is an insult to those with addiction problems. Being an alcoholic doesn’t change you into a child molester. It doesn’t make you into a suit and tie wearing monster. Satan knows how to dress well doesn’t he?

Former Rep. Mark Foley, R-Fla., resigned Friday in the wake of questions about e-mails he wrote a former teenage male page.

Foley ''does not blame the trauma he sustained as a young adolescent for his totally inappropriate e-mails'' and instant messages, Roth said. ''He continues to offer no excuse whatsoever for his conduct.''

Translation: Despite all my subtle disclosures of trauma to get you to feel sorry for me I will “take responsibility” just to show how sincere I am. Satan is good at hiding behind fake sincerity.

Foley represented parts of Palm Beach County for 12 years until he resigned Friday after being accused of sending lurid Internet messages to boys who served as pages on Capitol Hill.

The lawyer said Foley never had any inappropriate sexual contact with a minor.

Yeah. Right. He just fantasized about it and harassed teenage boys under his authority for years and years. I am sure he never actually had sex with anyone. Just like I am sure that living in a sewer doesn’t mean you smell like crap.

The communications were first reported last week by ABC News, which released more instant messages Tuesday that suggest Foley interrupted a vote on the House floor to have online sex.

As if his position of authority wasn’t enough. This bastard was actually co-chairman of the Congressional Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus. You know what that means?

Sharks like to swim in waters where the prey is plentiful.

It is amazing how these people get past so called security checks. However, when no one reports them, its not so amazing. When we care more about animal rights than kids’ rights we shouldn’t be surprised.

I promise you this. If we continue to neglect our kids, gangs will only prosper. And so will violence.

Because gang leaders don’t neglect them. They seek them out. So do child molesters and other monsters. These monsters never look like monsters. Satan hides behind a mask.

Now this Foley thing is more about politics and people getting elected than anything about kids too. Both parties are using it to get votes. To save their own sorry selves. They are just about as pathetic as the molester themselves. Monsters don’t live under our beds or in our closets. Evidently there are a few living in Washington as well. Monsters wearing Armani suits and instant messaging teenagers for sex while sucking down our tax dollars.

These other rich monsters in sheep’s clothing aren’t blaming their monstrous behavior on alcohol and victim mentality. They only victimize hurt children more. They aren’t much different than gang leaders. Just richer.

They hide behind “concern” and “care” for the behavior of Foley. They want to be re-elected and don’t mind hiding the awful truth of how anyone no matter his position or outward appearance can be a monster. They hide behind their so called “religious convictions” and after attending church for appearances go and cheat on their wives. They hide their intentions of using anyone and any situation to get votes, including victimization of kids. They hide behind the “concern for the people” and then people like New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin authorizes spending 185 MILLION dollars on a football stadium while the 9th Ward still lies in ruins.

The ironic part of the whole Foley thing? Foley acts like the victim, just like every other child molester. He draws all of the attention from the real victims. Politicians are good at hiding things. But not as good as they are stupid enough to think. They hide their selfishness in broad daylight.

Satan hides in their hearts.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

to the wolves

I am awakened in the middle of the night. I try to sleep but cannot.

And then in my head a haunting scene plays out like a dream yet I am awake.

A little girl’s face. She looks detached, her eyes a deep brown, her hair dark and curly and disheveled. She is dressed in a pale white and paper thin shirt yet there is snow on the ground. Her face is dirty. Her eyes glimmer and dance between emptiness and sadness. She does not look at anything and yet she stares intently.
There is movement in front of her, but I cannot tell what it is. Then I seem to know that it is a woman. The child’s mother. She is dressed in a heavy coat and I know she has just placed this little girl on the ground. I can feel that there is no emotion in this woman. She is colder than the wind that wraps its icy fingers around that little girl. The movement if but only for a couple of seconds then she is gone.

it is so cold…

Then my perspective is far above this scene. The girl is but a small figure barely visible against the snow around her. In an open field. And the mother is walking away. Her footprints leaving a single trail away from the child. I can feel the bitter cold but this woman cannot.

Then I am close to this sad little girl again. Her face obscures my view of anything else. She cannot see me but I can see her. Like a dream.

Then my perspective is from above again. My spine shivers, not from the cold, but because some distance around her I can see wolves circling. I know they are hungry.

And they are closing in.

I know she is going to die. Because no one cares.